The Art of Argument

It is said that “the best way to win an argument is to avoid it”. But if done right, an argument can be an intellectually satisfying experience. Arguments have the potential to expand your views and develop new insights into new areas. Unfortunately, most of the times, arguments end up being frustrating and counterproductive. It is important to choose your battles wisely. Here are some ways by which you can pick which battles are worth fighting which should better be left alone.

Before the argument:

• Know yourself: Ask yourself these questions before jumping into an argument:

What is your purpose? It is to prove your opponent “wrong” or to discuss and come to a common conclusion?

An argument becomes a disaster when the participants cling to their ego. They don’t gain anything out of the argument as they shut the doors to others’ views. It is better to avoid an argument if your primary motive is to prove your opponent wrong rather than convincing her/him of your conflicting opinions.

Do you understand you might be wrong? Would you change your views if your opponent satisfactorily convinces you?

It is worthless to argue if you think that your views are absolutely right. Because no matter what, you won’t change your opinions. You have to understand that just like you, your opponent also believes firmly in their opinions. If you are not open to change your views, you shouldn’t even expect the same from your opponent.

Have you given a deep thought about the subject? Are you even moderately knowledgeable about it?

You must know what you are talking about. If you don’t, then do your opponent a favour and stay out of the argument. If you still proceed, then the argument would either be one-sided or too annoying depending on your stubbornness-level and the knowledge of your opponent.

Apply the same questions to your opponent. Do they seem to be elastic on their views or do they sound self-righteous and absolutist? Are they presenting their opinions in a way to convince you or to prove you wrong? Do they seem rational and logical?

It is important to know your opponents because if they are self-righteous and adamant with their views, you can’t convince them to believe in your opinions, no matter how convincing you are. Arguments with such people are frustrating and it is better to be out of them, no matter how tempting they seem.

During the argument:

Listen/read the views of your opponent with an open mind and try to understand the reason behind their opinions. Although it is difficult, it would be best to keep aside your preconceived disagreements and listen/read the opposing views from a fresh perspective.

• Don’t get personal and judgemental

Try to keep the arguments and your opponent apart. Don’t judge the characters based on their arguments. Criticise the argument, not the person.

Example: Don’t say, “You are wrong”. Instead, say “I think your statement on……is flawed as (…give reason)”.

Remember that it’s not a battle of people; it’s a battle of ideas. It’s likely that getting personal would piss off your opponent and would change the direction of the whole argument.

Ditch the guesswork. Don’t be presumptuous. A person criticising atheism doesn’t necessarily be a theist. A person criticising the Democrats doesn’t necessarily be a Republican. Avoid putting words into your opponent’s mouth and keep a distance from straw-manning.

• Try to avoid talking in absolute terms.

Example: Don’t say, “Polygamy is unethical”. Instead, say, “I think polygamy is unethical”.

• Support your statements with reason, facts, and logic.

Just by saying, “You’re are wrong here” neither proves that you are right nor does it convince your opponents why they are wrong. It only gives the impression you are being an egoist and showing your superiority over your opponent rather than involving in an open discussion. If this is how people start arguing, then it ultimately boils down to who says “You are wrong” loudest.

• Use statements like, “I know where this is coming from…” and “I understand your point of view…”.
• Acknowledge your agreements with your opponent and put forth your disagreements in a subtle way.

Example: “I agree that India and China would be the largest emitters of greenhouse gases in the future. But it doesn’t mean that they are not environmentally conscious. As you can see the data in this link, India’s renewable energy capacity has increased 10 folds in the last 10 years.”

By acknowledging the agreements, you are keeping the ego from creeping into the argument. You also make your opponent feel that you are more open to their views. This, in turn, makes them more acceptable to your views.

Closure of the argument:

• Know when to cut the cord

If you are not going anywhere, you need to cease the argument to avoid useless dragging and back and forth of opinions. Find a comfortable, neutral, and saturated stage to leave it. You can end it by saying, “We can agree to disagree”. If your opponent is being arrogant, irrational, or offended, you need to get out of the argument without bothering about that neutral stage.

• Accept that you were wrong

If your opponent convinces you of the fallacy in your argument, accept the fact that you were wrong rather than forcibly dragging on. If your let go your ego, it would only be beneficial for you in the long run.

• Give your opponent a comfortable exit

If you have proven your point, don’t thump your chest. End the argument on a positive note.